"...I might look the same, but I'm a little different now."

This post is for my dear family, friends and most importantly, my rare and grand sister. Paris was ineffable - but I will try with clumsy language to say what it meant to me:
the start.... dizzy traveling miles above and beyond.... giggling on the plane ...wondering what is to come. sweaty carrying bags through crowds of soft speaking natives.... on trains, off trains. zig-zag wonder where our apartment could be in this star maze of streets - bright sunshine and white clouds..... up up up 6 spiral floors. our little, white apartment ...and that window....opening wide. swallows swoop above the city, weaving invisible magic threads over us and everywhere we go.

Stunned and spacey wonder....walking walking walking a zillion miles on cobblestone, dusted streets....shops, cafes, unexpected windows and doorways adorned in intricate pictures that mostly go unnoticed by all those used to such detailed beauty...but to me, my eyes trace them all like fingertips...and want to taste their delicate edges and shadows. Strong coffee with heavy cream, crunchy bread... my sister laughing. watching. waiting for nothing....everything is arriving every moment.... everything is just right now. Headstones crumbling, hiding behind stained glass, angels frozen just before flight, unexpected rainshowers and blowing wind.... up the Eiffel Tower....up up up feet walking up...rust from the hand rails forever tattooed onto my gray sweater (I will never wash this out).... to the top. an almost secret door where champagne waited for us to find it.... and toast this grand view. Rodin sculptures....impossible to take a bad photograph of these sensual and flowing lines made from stone.... more like the flowing water that lies beneath the skin frozen in loving embraces. Monet.... lilies lining the curving walls...spin and spin around to take it all in.... dizzy with the layers and layers of blue strokes and hidden light suddenly shining through the longer you look. Time stopped existing....we stroll way past our bedtimes, eat crepes and drink wine long after everyone has gone.... we stumble in the general direction of our apartment....take many wrong turns.... laughing.... wondering where are we going.... but somehow always make it back "home". and then there is the river..... walk and stop. drink wine. eat baguettes... boats glide to us and away again.... so many different bridges to choose from... across we go... into some other puzzle piece of beauty and life.... and the zen center where my sister lived...(forgot what it is called...?)...lovely place with a secret garden. and her friends there to welcome me with such wide open arms.... xo to them. Still so much more, my head is overflowing... eyes wide trying to greedily grab it all and pull it inside me so that I never forget. I am full of "merci beaucoup's" and "pardon's" as I am always stumbling into someone who is quickly going on their usual workday because I am forever looking upwards at some golden sculpture climbing our of a corner building, hundreds of years old.... how many ghosts walk this place... wear down these stone streets.... and now my footprints have joined them.

and at the end of every happyweary day, it's my sister and I, drinking wine, eating cheese and bread and going over our day.... rolling cigarettes... blowing smoke out our perfect window and gazing at the street below....and always, the swallows, flying, gentle turning circles.... the full moon, the deep opal blue twilight....

I am imprinted forever in this sky, these streets.... this place heavy with the gravity of a history that my west-most-edge of the western coast mind can barely comprehend... but feel it in my bones now. and I might look the same. but I'm a little different now. deepest gratitude to all those who have had a part in giving me this gift.

and to E - thank you for generously giving a week of your vacation to stay home and play with the H's - because of this, I was able to freely enjoy my time so far from home knowing that everyone I loved was being safely and lovingly taken care of so that my mommy-heart was not heavy and aching. this was a priceless thing. xxxxxooooo dear husband.

and to my mom, who as always and ever is there for me to watch over my children and be their beloved Beggin and also gives me a great sigh of relief for their well-being.

and for Amy, welcoming me back down to earth with champagne and eager eyes to see all my photos, no matter how tedious.

and to my sister.... I feel even more deeply bonded to you, heart and soul.... and am in awe of your traveling heart.... (and how much french you know and understand..... would never have made it to the first metro stop without you). I love you dearly.... where will we go next....?! I don't know, but I know - we. will. go.....

xxoo
wen.